Parte Quatro - When past stucks in the present

This is a bit dramatic as I keep checking my BB for any incoming message. But no, no message. Not even one. One from particular person that I have been waiting for.

Its a bit shameful to admit that for a week, every evening around 6-8pm I converse online with my past. As he gets damn bored at work, I get excited to be able to speak to him and laugh at his silly jokes.

I laugh easy when I speak with him and where the heck is he now?!! I need to laugh really bad.

Today hasn't been a good day for me.

It is 7.42pm and he's not online yet.

My phone's ringing. I see the caller id and ofcourse Rose is calling.

She's my boss and receiving a call from my boss after arguing with her only 5 hours prior isn't really something that I am looking forward to.

"Yes?" I open the conversation.

"Oh hi Lolita! Can you go to our office in Melbourne on Friday?"

"Friday? Until when? I was scheduled to give presentation for our client the next wednesday" I prompt a reply

"Scott will deal with that. You will be in Melbourne for a week" replies Rose.

"Okey"

"Great. Scott will email you the itineary now"

"Oh..."

Itineary? Already? I am pretty sure she already arranged my travel plan before calling me. Ahh poor Scott, its 8.30 and he's still in the office catering for Mrs-Margareth Tatcher-alike.

"See you tomorrow!" Rose then hangs up the phone.

Great! Me traveling! That's one of the reasons why I signed up for this job. Don't get me wrong, I like everything about my job minus Rose and the crazy work hours.
One time I had to stay in the office until 3 AM, Rose made me wait for a confirmation email from our office in Africa. When I asked her why I couldn't just wait for the email at home, she answered, "Honey, I didn't complain when my boss asked me to take red eye flights for only one reason, to cut my company's travel expense!"

Yes I got it, you refused to speak your mind to your boss... But don't expect me to follow your steps.

She could be very unpleasant sometimes.

But I have to acknowledge that she lets me expanding my career, which is kind of rare in the world where it is very easy to feel threaten by others' career.

You gotta see people from two perspectives then make judgement, that's what I believe in.

Oh man, its 9.30 pm already and my past hasn't appeared online yet.

I walk to the kitchen to find some food salvation.

I still have two cupcakes left from our office party yesterday. And tonight, I aim to finish both of them.

I walk back and check on my facebook account in my BB.

One message in my inbox.

Shit! Its Damien!

I stop myself from reading further. I can feel my stomach start turbulating.

I run to the bathroom and throw up.

I cuss myself that he still has this effect on me.

"Hey! How are you? I just came back from surfing in this beach three hours from where I live. I need to get away for a bit. I hope everythings well with you at home"

The email reads.

Everything is well? You broke my heart asshole! I find tears start going through my cheeks.

Yes, it was Damien, Damien Verzig for exact, who made me emotionally unwell for quite sometimes.

He was the reason why I signed up for cross country, shrink even binge drinking!

I re-read his email. Reading his email was my favorite things to do, even when we were still dating.

We used to send each other songs. Thus, I can't listen to any Beatles songs anymore because he liked them and because he sent their songs to me.

My favorite thing to do now is skipping all of the beatles songs in my ipod.

Damien is a gentleman. A gentleman who broke my heart but still I can't bring myself to hate him.

He's kind and attentive. I hate that I had to leave. I was almost certain that we may be still together. Or maybe not, I don't know. But what I know is at least I could show him that I would worth every fights. We would be wonderful together.

I hate the fact that I am almost a nomad.

And I curse the fact that he just surrendered on the fact that I would leave. He didn't try to stop me.

Since I departed a year ago, we manage to stay in touch.

And since I departed a year ago, I still think of him sometimes.