Parte Tre - Does past ever teach you anything?

Ding!!! My blackberry alarmed me that there is message coming in.

Ahh I can't be bothered with that yet as my eyes are preoccupied with the fashion scene in tv.

Ding!!!

"Shut up!" I tell my blackberry and I finally force myself to get up from the couch. I left my blackberry in my bag.

"Hey" the message says
I sit myself down when I see who messaged me.

"Yes?" I reply. Many thoughts start clouding my mind.

"I just wanna say hi since you said that you always initiated our conversation. Now we're even" the message says.

I smile but then I stop myself from smilling. He's an ass and will always be, I remind myself.

"Sure" I type back.

I put my phone down and try to refocus myself on the London Fashion Show in tv. Five minutes later I can't help myself from obssessing on why there is no new message coming in.

"Whatcha doing?" I type and send. What the hell am I thinking?! I curse myself

Well lolita if he did not reply you, it would emphasize that he has not changed... I mumble to myself... But if...

Ding!!

My hand waits no time to press on View Message button.

"Like usual, work and boredom... I'm sooo bored that I wanna see something dramatical like massive explosion or earthquake"

"Mr.violent huh?" I giggle.

Lolita stop! I yell at myself. But there is nothing wrong to keep in touch with your old acquaintance. I reason myself. Old acquaintance who had broken your heart as many as stars in the sky. I warn my tempted mind.

"What are you doing? Let me guess, staring at the moon?"

I laugh.

Sometimes I feel that it is strange to befriend with someone who had promised you the world but then departed from your life. Without even a proper goodbye.

He is my mr. Big. He had my heart when he said, "No I don't wanna do it!" refusing to be part of the high school play when I was the main character. He was the first one who had ever said no to me.

He held my world when I was 16.

And 17.

And about couple months ago.

I loved him.

He was my main reason to believe in love. We weren't officially a couple but he was a close mate. We spent lots of times together bickering and dreaming about the future.

Ding!!! A message is coming in.

"I gotta go now" he says.

"Have a good rest of your work" I type back.

"You too" he replies.

I wonder how he now looks like. The last time we met was four years ago when I accidentaly met him at my bestfriend's house.

Life has taken us to different paths. I live here while he's in the Netherlands.

That's the thing about life, it can take you anywhere she likes.

Knock. Knock.

I look at the watch on the wall. 9.30 pm. Who's coming this late? I ponder while walking to the door.

"Who is it?"

"Its Andy"

I open the door,

"What the? Andy what happened to you?" I ask.

The scene in front of me is certainly unpretty. My close mate, Andy Heinzelbeck, is crying and looking like mess.

I hug him and let him in.

"Here..." I give him a glass of water and sit next to him. He sips the water.

"You're right, James is a jerk. I just caught him kissing his colleague in his office!" Andy starts the story.

"Oh my poor andy" I hug him and he starts crying again.

James and him have been dating for almost a month now, which is considered a lifetime in homosexual world, according to Andy.

Like me, he was a believer in this relationship.

part due - what one can do to deal with the past

Ahh it is damn raining. You know, I like rain but only when I can stay inside my own place, drink a cup of hot choco and catch up with my favorite tv shows. That would always be my favorite thing to do.

But that is not the case now, it is wet outside and I am stuck in the office still working on these papers.

Worse, it is friday night and I am by myself. I reckon everyone else's already left nite outing.

Oh wait until you hear this, the worst, I actually volunteered to stay late.

Well I have to do everything I can to preoccupy my mind from reminiscing about my past, including drowning myself in these workloads that will not due in two weeks. And as I am writing this, I realize that this method is not working either.

Just like any other methods that I have tried before. Joining my mates for some nite outing that apparently only ends up with me getting buzz and turning into an emotional drunken lady who cried for her failed past relationship on the side of the street. I also decided to follow my good mate's advice to throw myself back in the dating game, but ofcourse I could only find myself even lamenting over the fact that there might not be potential men left. Then, I was so that desperate to clean my mind from being haunted by my past, that for two weeks I had joined cross country. Thus, some of my mates agreed to sign me up to see a shrink.
Well the last method had worked well, but only for a month... It had to end, as I develop romantic feeling to my already-engaged-shrink. I supposed I was lacking of men's attention that I reckoned, perhaps only my shrink could fulfill my need.

To this day, it has been 5 months after my last visit, my shrink still thinks that I have started seeing someone so I would not need to see a therapist to help me coping with my past. I had to lie.

So that left me here, alone, in the office, in friday night.

Parte Uno- My name is...

How do I start? It is always the question I ask everytime I start writing. I shall admit that to commence this particular writing is rather difficult since I will share my life. Yes you hear me, la mia vita!

I am nobody and if you're seeking for stories of "somebody", you aint going to find it here my dear! I am just an ordinary young lady at age 23 going on 24 living in this so called "jungle city" and trying to make a living out of... let's just say, my charming personality.

Let me say it again, personality! No, I am not and don't have a super model look. But I have this principle, "get to know me first and then reject me". See how charming my personality is :p

Well anyway, that's a brief introduction of moi. Oh, my name is Lolita Rein.